of unresolved New Year’s resolutions. oh, Lord.
see which ones of mine match yours.
1. get a driver’s license. i mean, with a permit, i drive, but with my husband at my side all the time, which is a pain, to say the least. so that license is crucial to my peace of mind.
2. exercise. as small as [...]
i am overwhelmed by emotion over the sadness that now engulfs my friend tes. i close my eyes and hear a beating inside my brain, just as i do whenever i’m tense or in serious thought. inside, i’m screaming NOOOO!!! it feels like my heart is being carved out of my chest.
i cannot cry just [...]
i made a dash for the snow outside
to mask the pain i cannot hide.
your promise broken once more, this year,
of coming home - i hoped. with fear.
what Christmas is it again for me -
with you out fighting, i, forcing glee?
will you be safe, and keep the faith?
for amid the tears, here [...]
there’s nothing better than these -
midnight snacks i wouldn’t miss,
a sudden laugh, a ssshhh, a kiss,
on that upturned nose of his.
with milk and cookies, a bagel or two,
we’re a perfect scene for a movie crew,
while i crack him up with adventures true -
eliciting giggles out of the blue.
how he lights up, [...]
here i am by the window,
cold coffee cup in hand,
deep in thought about you
in that faraway land.
has it really been all these years
of longing, emptiness, fears?
how i miss you guessing my thoughts
on love’s forgotten meanings.
i miss you missing my thoughts
on life’s endless could have beens.
now i stare outside the window,
but instead [...]
it is not the rain that’s causing me to blink vain tears away,
nor the runaway rumble of thunder threatening worse
it is not.
it is not the passing scene that makes me listless
nor the clock ticking evoking remorse
it is not.
it is that i hear you call
i feel you near.
wanting more things said
needing them done.
but [...]
12:50 am. a cna calls me, “cherie, ms. c says she needs a nurse. she said she’s dying!”
“okay, i’m right there!”
i enter the room with the vitals equipment.
“ms. c, what’s wrong?”
“i can’t breathe!” (patient highly anxious, visibly pale, tachypneic, and using accessory muscles for breathing)
“are you in pain?” (denies, while i put her [...]
bob is not his real name. he is our neighbor, who lost his job as a manager at Honda, where we bought our Pilot years ago. bob is a fine gentleman. i don’t know about his work ethics, but about 6 months ago, he was among 20 others who got laid off by the company.
this [...]
remembrances linger for a reason. christmas, especially, makes remembering all the more poignant, even for nurses. i have my own share of memories that make for good conversation by the fireside.
let me tell you one. there was this patient years ago, who, among her other afflictions, had alzheimer’s dementia. i didn’t do graveyard shifts at that [...]
i go to work after the sun has gone down, and come back home just before it is up. from the time i wake up, i brace myself for the next 12 hours, and in my mind, metamorphose into a nurse in action, in all its meanings.
at work, i go through all the phases - eagerness to [...]
